Attempt

Look at you, you look horrible. Is that blood I taste in my mouth? Or my stomach eating itself – I haven’t eaten in days. Maybe I should take a shower, I smell like shit. I look like shit. How come the shower is always either ice cold or scalding hot? What hurts less?

 

My heart’s beating so fast, is this it? What’s next, will I feel dizzy and then pass out? They never lived to tell how it felt. Will I? Do I want to? What am I doing? Flush that shit with water, silly.

It’s amazing how the human body just adapts.
We’re actually stronger that we think we are. It’s beautiful.

And cruel at the same time.

Maybe I should take a stroll around the block, say hi to that old man down the street. He’s got such beautiful smile, tired and wrinkled, but real – he cheers me up. How could someone who owns nothing look like he has everything? I’ll bring him a cup of coffee, that’ll warm him up.

It’s almost 5:30, I got to see it. Should I take the lift? Stairs. At least feel my heart pounding hard against my chest – as if knocking. My breathing is heavy, yes heart, I know you’re there.

Look at that, that whimsical play of red, orange and blue. The air is oppressive and weighty – how high up am i? I can hear the faint city rush hour. I can see the street below me filling up with cars. It’s liberating to be up here, far from it all.

Little steps. I know you’re scared so just take little steps and have a peek.

Little steps. You’re near the edge.

Just slip. You’re at the edge.

I can feel my heart pounding hard against my chest – as if knocking. Yes heart, i know you’re there.

Close your eyes. Just slip.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe tomorrow.

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